take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Monday, November 29, 2004
5:06 PM
Life...
Life....I sometimes think life really has no meaning....life?what is life?what do we live for?we spent half of our life studying,another half working...so what are we living for?for our loved ones?for ourself?really....to some,life is something meaningless,something useless....but to some,life is something else..something wonderful,perhaps?for me?Life....I still haven't really grasp hold the idea of life...is it that hard?that complicated?I dunno...life...what am I living for?what am I looking for in life?I'm lost...I'm really lost...trapped in a maze...or is not I who is trapped but life really doesn't have its meaning..could it be?or is it because I haven't found it?Do I really need to find the meaning of life?There's no meaning..there's nothing..it's just a word..nothing more..Life..Life is just an empty hole, no meaning...but without life, what will we be?
© Enigma
1 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Saturday, November 27, 2004
12:53 AM
will not be posting for a while
sorry,ppl will not be posting for a while cuz I'm gonna be really busy....bored?can visit my old blog and leave a message in my tagboard..but it's kinda like a public blog, so no real name plz..thanx..the add is http://enigma-world.blogdrive.com
© Enigma
2 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Friday, November 26, 2004
11:44 PM
busy...
kinda busy...but at least I finished all my projects,assignments and presentations!!finally..today was the last day of this sem..did 2 of my presentations today..happy!...now all i need to do is concentrate on studying only...only left exams..one week..ONE MORE WEEK and I'm FREE!!!yeah!!just hope I will be alive by then..well,if u happen to see a zombie roaming around next week,you know who is it....or should i say a vampire?with my pale face..dark circles...red lips...hmmm..more like a vampire...well..at least I'm one of the undead..hey cool!!MUAHHHAHAHA....I want blood....blood...hahahahaha!^_^
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Thursday, November 25, 2004
5:37 PM
Dark circles...
I haven't been having enough sleep these few days,slept at 4 something everyday and woke at early in the morning...all because of stupid idiot projects and presentations...and also idiot assignments...rushing through all of it..and all of it have to due at the same time...yesterday slept over at nads place again because we have to finish up our two group project..and end up sleeping at almost 6.yes!!6 in the morning!!imagine that..the night before u only slept for few hours and then now you slept at 6 again...I only havd a few hours of sleep..well,at least we finished up our stuff...but my hands and fingers were so tired because been using nads small laptop the whole night to do the anthro power point..and i have to use the touch pad cause her mouse is not working..and when i came back home and on my computer..suddenly found that the words were like so big...i think i been seeing nads laptop too long already..it's so small...but it's really nice though...didn't go to college today again..because was too tired and we don't have much classes today,but felt a bit bad cause four days in a row never go college already...anyway it's the last week already...and the barring list is already out...so don't really matter..and nothing much happening in college today also,just knew that we got 3rd for our drama.not bad....at least I'm going tomorrow..definetely!cause i have two presentations...=(.....dreadlocks...yes,that's out anthro presentation..hope it goes well tommorow and hope I stop getting any dreams of dreadlocks..I think I've been working too hard,yesterday night,with the few hours of sleep, surpringsingly I managed to dream...I dreamt about......dreadlocks...yes..and about the rastasfarians too..*sigh*...I've been working too hard....and I don't think I will be sleeping well tonight too...have to prepare research methods presentation..don't tell me late night again?no more...I don't want anymore...I don't want dark circles...and pimples...no....but what can I do about it?*sigh*.....and haven't really study for finals too..died..died...I'm dying..I will become a zombie by the time I finish my exams...dark circles and pale face..who wouldn't if you don't get enough sleep for the whole week?oh boy.....exams...I'm so "LOOKING FORWARD" to it...ya right..*roll eyes*...Stress!!Pimples!!Dark circles!!Eye bag or should I say what nad say...eye luggage!!from small bag to big luggage!!!arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Saturday, November 20, 2004
5:27 PM
sucess!!
yeah!drama was a sucess yesterday!I'm still happy over it..I can’t get it off my mind the whole night….after all the hard work...all the preparation...what a relief!!A lot of unexpected things happened yesterday during the play...we never even rehearsed those..it just happened unexpectectly during the real play..overall the play turn out to be good although there's some mistake here and there...(should have the projection on the background for one scene but never got to do it due to some reason..and the timing for light for one scene-the dying scene again, was also out,the lights came on quite late..sad lah.)...I felt relief and happy that the play is finally over..well,at least our hard work paid off..I will still be glad even though if we didn't win...haven't got to know the results yet..maybe on thursday?..but no matter how,I'm still happy over it...the other group members were all happy too..who wouldn't after all the hard work?We went to celebrate afterwards..kind of..in mcd….you must be wondering why mcd?should be eating in some place expensive or good right?because all the other group members were kinda broke…hahaha..me?I’m always broke…24/7 broke one…somemore got debts with nads and yee…*sigh*money…money…money is not everything and money can’t buy everything but without money you can’t buy anything!!Later,we even watch fireworks-sponsered by rosh(bet he’s going to start bitching about the money for the fireworks for dunno how long again..cheap lah rosh!the last time I ask him to treat me 5 bucks,he keep on bitching about his 5 bucks for two weeks non-stop..see lah,..how stingy he is and he got the cheek to say I’m more cheap and stingy than him!look who’s talking!hmphh!)
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Monday, November 15, 2004
11:17 PM
tiring....
Today was so tired..really very tired..dunno why also..probably because I didn't have enough sleep continuosly for a few days...went to time square again and later to amcorp..feel so tired..mentally and physically....this is really killing me...I'm now physically very tired,my whole body is aching..and I'm emotionally drained too...still thinking too much about it which I really am too sick to think about it already!!vomitted this morning and stomach was not feeling quite well the whole day(yee pandai pandai go n tell ppl there i stomache,pandai lah u!watch out I'm gonna get my revenge,you'll just wait!!) but despite this I had a good time(the part where i lose control while driving because three idiots were "kacau-ing" me is really funny and yee there again did nothing to help me instead were laughing along with them,so bad!haih..too bad hui xian left early,she missed the fun!)..hehe...my battle level went up three times from level 8 to 11..yeah!!finally got aura already..so happy..and I broke my own record in amcorp too..satisfied with it..=).
Somthing good happened today too..I think I finally found my peace back again...or should i say i finally beginning to know what am i feeling..have to congrats myself for that..today while I was walking towards the lrt station in the morning..the road was so quiet due to the holidays..and I was walking quite slowly...I feel so peaceful..the wind was blowing slightly..the roads were really quiet,shops were all closed..I felt this sense of calmness washes over me as I walk slowly enjoying the breeze..no rush,no noise...just peace..ahhh..what a bliss...I really felt peaceful and calm..not thinking bout anything,just enjoying the peace...Then now,after coming back from Ts and amcorp,I felt so tired and fell asleep but I feel very calm...and peaceful..I found back my peace in the midst of my confusion..is that a miracle or what?
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Sunday, November 14, 2004
11:53 PM
feelings..
I didn't know humans are capable of experiencing so many different types of feelings at one time...well,now i know..because that's what i have been feeling these few days...but currently worry seems to be the dominant one..why worry huh?i don't know either....somehow I'm just worry...about my work maybe?or about something else?i really don't know..I just know that the feeling is worry...non lo so e non capisco....i really don't know and don't understand...I'm kinda tired of this...sick and tired..who wouldn't?tell me would u be sick and tired if you are feeling 5 different types of feeling every day?and your mind will be really messed up...can't think..can't concentrate..can't do anything or should i say no mood to do anything?haven't been doing any work today just because I really don't have the mood to do it..but i know the due dates are coming yet i still feel this way...I can't help it..I've been trying to get it out of my mind..but somehow it won't go away..it had already reside in some small dark little corner of my messed up mind..and it will be staying there for quite some time...*sigh*...when you are feeling so many feelings at one time,you will feel blank out,feeling-less at one point...well i felt that..it's not a bad thing though at least i don't have to feel anything anymore...I don't have to think and worry about it anymore...it's a bliss to me..a bliss that never last long because I have already lost my peace...my peace..my peace that is lost and gone forever perhaps?well..i don't know and i don't want to know..
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Saturday, November 13, 2004
11:01 PM
Stress....additional stress today
STRESS!!argggggggghhhhhhhhh.......................today got additional stress somemore...thanx to the miss hui yee there lah..big mouth!!simply say things.........donkey!!!!!!like i'm not stress enough!!now see lah..........lagi stress!!add me another stressor again!!!I'm gonna get another strand or more white hair again or pimples popping out again cause too much stress already!!I really don't need this leh...now all my peace is gone!!GONE!!!i dunno...i'm kinda confused,kinda worry...i dunno....but all i know is I'm extremely stress!!!!!but somehow there's a kind of peace in some corner of my heart.....peace...when can i have my full peace?peace...a feeling?it's hard to find it..for some it's easy..for some it's hard...have u found your peace?i have found it but i have lost it once again.....have u?
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Friday, November 12, 2004
10:48 PM
Peace..??
I still don't know...and i know I'm not making sense but somehow I have found some peace inside myself...today i went to college and had my usual fun...thanx nads..i think it's you who help me find that peace...although i don't know u will read this or not,but i just want to thank you..and sorry about the bitching today again..(u know me lah...hahaha)..somehow i found the peace..maybe I'm just too tired to think about it anymore or I just can't be bother anymore..I dunno..or maybe all the due dates are coming that's y...shit talking about due dates...i have one coming up soon...shit!shit shit!!research methods..haven't do literature review yet...haven't find enough of past research yet also...shit!dunno spent how many hours on proquest again..somemore need to present in class also and anthropology presentation coming up.....haven't do anything yet..and also anthro individual paper haven't do research yet...and fucking biology still got project+presentation..!!!!wtf??!!lucky finished my counseling assignment yesterday night...but still got lot of work and not to mentionm drama practice!!!!!!!!the day is coming nearer..nervous...SO many work!!SO little time!!!but i think all this work give me peace..at least i have to concentrate on it....not to mention finals coming also..so i don't think i will have any more free time to think about it anymore!!maybe is the load of work i have that give me this sense of peace?maybe...at least i don't have to think about it anymore..and I don't want to think about it anymore also!!there!so i'm not confused anymore!!!yeah...peace....at last...
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Thursday, November 11, 2004
10:02 PM
Confusion
I really don't know...I really don't know..I'm so confused right now..my mind is all messed up..I can't think..I can't concentrate in whatever I do..I'm so confused...I'm so stress already and I really don't need this additional stress!!why?why?why is this happening now?why do he have to say out at this moment?and why does she have to tell me?..I really don't understand..why me?I really don't know...I really don't..maybe all this is fake..all this is not happening..it's just a dream...but no!it's not!...why?I'm really confused..and I don't understand..I really DON'T!why me?I'm abnormal..I'm not like normal girls..I don't even like shopping(except cds,vcds and game shop,comic and book shop)!or looking at clothes!I hate all those..I curse,I gamble,I go to arcades,I play comp games just like the guys do..I even act like a guy more than a girl..I'm rude..so y me?I hate dressing in skirts and dress or sexy clothes or whatever u call it..I won't even wear sleeveless..I also hate comestic!perfume!whatever normal girls like..I don't have the look..and I don't have the body..so why me?I dont' understand...this must be some mistakes..I really don't..I'm really confused..and I can't stop thinking about it..I need peace!! ARgHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
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hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
