take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
11:42 PM
time will tell...
long time never update already.been really busy.actually now also,i need to breathe also.stayed at nad house don't know how many times..somemore kinda fight..it's all the stress and not enough sleep..we are getting irritated with each other..i know that..well,it will be ok after these..anyway..went on saturday..he cut his hair..not nice lah a bit too short...looks a bit weird with his short hair gell..not really nice.longer hair gel nicer..why bother anyway?same usual thing loh..well..at least he talked to me..*sigh*..got one time I really never realise that he was standing beside me so close cause I was really into a race..yeez was racing also-help ppl racng actually(but I'm not looking at her)..caught me by surprise when he started talking then only I realise he was beside me..*sigh*..real tiring..how long will this go on?went on monday also but quite late reach there around 6 something..cause doing work at nad house,actually shouldn't go but since so late already..but maybe he's there?go all the way down just to take a look at you..I just want to see..at least i still get to see..the sight of you is enough..I don't ask for anything else..at least you are doing ok..I know I'm being hopeless but can't help it..I've never felt like that..seldom play ID already..but I still do practice..can't get any better already..play soul calibur more..improve already,know how to use more different kinds of power..but when yeez is there..i can't play well somehow..she's becoming a pressure already..like ID..like that time she went off..I even beat all the fellow and got one got ranking name damm long one..and even beat ourself the character using our account..that machine is always almost crowded got ppl play especially those pro fellows always hogging that machine and when you get to play, they go and challenge you so you won't have a chance to play..idiots!anyway on monday our joint account(99.99% my money)..that yeez sponser few times only..our account ranked up to long name kind of ranking..and the ranking place went up also..I wanted to play my acount also since I keep playing our account and my account ranking still quite low..so managed to ranked up..but later let yeez play until my account the ranking went down..continuously lose somemore..my losses went up to 22 or izzit 24?how to rank back up?it's very hard already since my exp points no enough..no much money somemore..I was really angry that time..I sit down there and play so hard and tired to get ranked up..but in the end like that..saw her never concentrate somemore..I'm not going to pay so much for our joint account already until my account ranking is almost the same as our joint account..i don't want the ranking to be so far apart..and i want to get the top 10 ranking also..of course our account too..*sigh*..what am I trying to prove?I don't want to be so far apart from his ranking also...since ID cannot already..maybe soul calibur can..mixed feelings..missing ppl..cannot go until after my finals..it's just another depressing day..it's the workload maybe?not much mood to do work..was sick this morning again..headache..is it because thinking of someone?well....no use thinking so much..if it meant to happen then it will,if not then...*sigh*..only time will tell..another day tommorow..life's still have to go on..time will never stop..work!work!work!
p.s.they spoil eye 10..they added comedy inside..it's scary and funny but I was expecting for a good horror movie to relieve my stress but then..a dissapointment!but it's ok also lah..first time I see a scary and funny horror movie at the same time...but it's too much to be 9 bucks!!tgv!hmph!!went to 1U & watch..then later ah bin fetch us from there to puchong to interview winnee junior..oh did I mention later when ah bin drop us off at 1U when we are done(he need to rush home),I got to eat sushi..heh=)nad was really hungry..never eaten the whole day except for fries and popcorn in cinema,she will die by the time she get back she say so do a quick one..15 minutes in and out of sushi king..real fast man..went in like two hungry pigs and gobbling our food..(me never eat anything also whole day excluded the milo, biscuit, fries and popcorn)..anyway nad scared credit card cannot use cause she buy lots of stuff from ebay already(she's really addicted to it,now can shop at home also..*sigh*..shopaholics!!))...scared reach limit..and we have no cash so we were like acting a bit weird and the cashier look at us suspiciously..(must have thought we stole the credit card or fraud it)..he even ask nad to sign on the normal receipt(which don't normally need to sign)..look at us so suspicious somemore..
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
1:24 PM
Stresss...ssss..zz!
Stressor:
work-project,assignment,research,.......
exam-no time to study
him-hmm....a good stress maybe?missing him..*sigh*..
no sleep-is this consider a stressor?
The result:
dark circles
pimples
eye "luggage"
easily irritated
X-tra grumpy
prone to start nagging
a zombie
The Cure:
soul calibur 2 -nope..not possible
ID-not possible either..scratch that out..
him-yikes..is this consider a cure?maybe?*sigh*..hopeless me..
a horror movie-aha!BRILLIANT!!a good stress reliever..there's a really good one..eye 10 i think..same director as the eye and eye 2..surely good..!!
seelah..no time already still want to watch movie...we always never learnt our lesson..but nad say it will be a good stress reliever..and it's been a while...remind me of our old days with rosh and shaz..*sigh*...
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Busy!!
Argghhh..damm busy...whole week work work work work and work!!poster draft due on monday..friday have to go for the briefing...and then real poster due on thursday..idiot S.L.O.T=slow leceh old turtle want her poster draft on friday if can..at least the other psycho bitch want it on monday...and we got the calculations all done for her one..since she say if haven't take research methods no need to give her complicated calculations..just mean and standard deviation..but that S.L.O.T is leceh to the max..she want SPSS no matter how..if dunno how to do..get help from the tutors...we don't even know how to calculate dei!so get help from tutors...ask a few only know how to do it..cause the first one don't know how to do the correlation..but she say pearson's r correlation is the easiest among the SPSS..lucky dei... but she don't really know how to compare..haven't done before..so she ask us to ask from help from other tutors..but she help us a lot also lah in other ways..so ask from other tutors loh..then only know have to get the SPSS program to do it on the comp...since I don't think anyone want to do manually..the formula can die man..so now last minute getting it..try to download it..but stupid slow connection 7 hours??!!forget about it lah..just buy it..stupid dial up..i want broadband..*sigh*...headache leh..sleeping over at nad house to do it..stress!somemore human comm project dueing on friday..we haven't start anything yet..interviewing on sunday..ah bin fetching us...but sadly no more celebrity=(..what to do last minute?national badminton player is also good enough already..although it's an "ex"..but easy mah since it's our friend..don't even know can finish the journal for it or not since we will be too busy doing poster stuff for colloqium day...after that need to do lab report somemore...where got time to study?exam time in like what 3 weeks time??shit man...stressing like hell...pimples popping out again..dark circles..i look like shit again!Noooooooooooo...ooooooooo!!!!!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Monday, March 21, 2005
11:30 PM
Really hopeless me..
Last night slept late..was up till 4 something to finished up my part of work for the poster draft..but then it turn out that we are only doing our work and group meeting tomorrow..everyone agree on it..since I was also very tired..damm tired man..never felt liek this before,cannot keep my eyes open..of course lah..sleep 1-2 hours..stupid 8 o'clock class...and cannot sleep last night also..end up falling asleep at 5 i think..and woke up at 6 something..what else?thinking about him lah..his birthday is today...*sigh*...I kinda wished him..ask yeez to help..i type the message then ask yeez to forward it to him...but surely he knows it's me who ask to send one lah..since who else knows his bday today?and he call back yeez also..he surely knows I'm behind it...haih..friend wat..can send msg and wish..nothing wrong with it...I don't want to use my phone to send cuz I don't want him to think something else and he surely won't even bother (scared or embarassed or whatever)to reply me...u think he will call back if I'm the one who send or the one who miscall?at least I get to know some news about him in this way...*sigh*..I'm glad I wished him also..at least I know I won't regret...I surely will regret if I don't send..and I feel better also by sending..I just really want to wish him...as a friend...nothing wrong with it right?haih...he was in t.s again today when he call yeez..what is he doing there worr..normally he won't go there on weekdays..school day somemore..to see someone maybe?I'm really hopeless..hopeless!!after school he should stay home wat and study...or at least rest...somemore important exam year..how to sit for exam like that?how to pass?english? why the hell do I bother anyway?damn...why do I still care?shitlah.....hopeless..HOPELESS..*sigh*..really H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S case...stupid hopeless me.. ..haih..didn't go today...good also..don't even know how to wish him if see face to face..but if go also..good also can see him...really hopeless lah me!!
p.s.added two of utada hikaru's song..will add more later..still choosing which song to add..meanwhile ppl just enjoy the songs available..may even ayumi hamazaki's song later too..and more chinese song too..the song list have been moved to where the links are now below the counter..more changes to come soon..not so SOON either since I'll be really busy..stress dei!lot of work!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Lyrics...First Love
Just feel like posting this....english translation...
First Love by Utada Hikaru
Your last kiss had the flavor of tabacco
A bitter and sad scent
Where will you be tomorrow at this time?
Who are you thinking of?
You are always gonna be my love
Even if I fall in love with someone else once again
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Now it's still a sad love song
Until I'm able to sing a new song
Time stood still, but it's trying to move once more
Full of things I don't want to forget
I'll surely be crying tomorrow at this time
I'll be thinking of you
You will always be inside my heart
There's always a place just for you
I hope that I have a place in your heart, too
Now and forever you are still the one
Now it's still a sad love song
Until I'm able to sing a new song
You are always gonna be my love
Even if I fall in love with someone else once again
I'll remember to love, you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Now it's still a sad love song
Now and forever
Original version:
Saigo no kisu wa ka ba tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori
Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irun darou
Dare wo omotterun darou
You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love songu
Atarashii uta utaeru made
Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasouto shiteru
Wasuretakunai kotobakari
Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naite iru
Anatawo omotterun darou
You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made
You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Sunday, March 20, 2005
9:30 PM
Sick again...
Been sick again... vomitted last night..couldn't sleep..headache all the way,..wasn't feeling really well..*sigh*...even when I'm sick..the first person I think about is him..haih..somemore sick already still want to think bout him..make it worse..additional stress lah..make me more prone to illness..haih..what to do..depressed..went to t.s again on friday and saturday..got lots of work to do somemore want to go..hopeless...actually the reason I go is to see him..anyway someone want to see H also...what's wrong with me?hopeless...dream again..he always appear..damn man!depressing lah..is he having the same problem?I really wonder...haih..he doesn't really look ok on friday..seems like haven't had any sleep for few days..his face look a bit pale also..and he seems irritated..only get to see him for a short while on friday..he left quite early and also wasn't on the ID side for long..but he seems fine again on saturday..somemore he teach us how to play the game which I'm interested now..soul caliburII(the one where he's a pro)..big mouth yeez there again say out so loud "eh,sit nearer..nearer.."scared he can hear lah idiot..since he is sitting beside you..(i'm beside yeez)..haih..get to peek at him again..hopeless right?then later when we stand at the ID side watching..same old thing lah..he steal looks at my direction again..haih..got one time..where he purposely come stand beside me..haih.....but only for a while cause one of his friend ask him something then he turn and walk away with that friend..but when he was answering his friend that time,his finger accidentaly touch my arm..stand so near..of course will accidentaly touch lah..haih...I don't dare to even move that time..shit lah..actually I wanted to turn around to look..bit regret never do that..he left quite early also..haih..get to see him short while only..but better than nothing right?since whole week not going..maybe friday?and I don't think will be seeing him anytime soon..since school holiday over already..and he only come usually on weekends..which I don't usually go..he also don't normally come on fridays..unless holiday..haih..somemore will not be going anymore after next friday..got lots of work..dueing..exams coming..no enough time already...haih..will miss him..a lot..hopeless..hopeless lah...depressing dei!!I really can't get him off my mind...his birthday is tomorrow somemore..I really want to wish him...friends can wish also right?nothing wrong with it right?*sigh*...have to do work...going nad house to do our research poster draft tommorrow..and I haven't done my part of work yet..shit lah..never do anything the whole day..I'm really slacking dei...depressing lah..
all I can think of is you..who left me with shard of glasss from my broken heart..and with tears that never dried...I really want to hate you at times but I can't cause I still like u,or should I say love?It's so funny now I only dare to admit it..haih..I know you still do too..but why?really...why let go?why the hell you make me fall for you?damm...you are nothing but a piece of shit..yet you are something to me no matter how..fuck you!I'm really not making any sense..don't bother...the sickness must be getting to my head..I'm a hopeless case..hopeless..!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
11:00 PM
Nope
nope..i didn't get anything from him.I don't think I will anyway.But it's ok to msg & wish a friend right?it's late.I don't think I will get anything from him anyway.Yet I still hope to.Damn!I'm just a stupid fool anyway.a fool who never give up.hahahahaz...isn't it funny?a fool who still thinks bout you...care for you..miss you somemore..laugh at me won't you?laugh..just laugh at me.happy..sad..laugh or cry...the mere thought of you could just make me do that...great!now you can even decide I'm to laugh or to cry.hahahaha..it's so funny..isn't it?I'm sad when u r sad,happy when u r happy??is that so?hahahaha...well,I don't think you are that happy either..hhahahahaha..how I know?what have I been doing all this while?i have a way of knowing thngs anyway.what am i studying?nothing to do with it anyway...hahahahha.whatever.I don't think I'm making any sense here.Don't bother really.I've lose my mind.I'm fucked up.hahahaha..it's always been like that.so damm sad.sad.sad.sad.sad.hurt.hurt.hurt.hurt like hell.pain.pain.pain.pain.a painful birthday?hahahaha...where's chivas when I need it?
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Happy Birthday??
yes..me birthday..today..yet I'm staying at home...I feel so old..19..oh no..the last year of my teens..dei!old dah!!can I be 17 back all over again?..everyone is busy...and I lied to that woman again...felt so bad..I don't know why...I mean we are really different..I know I'm a bad friend..it' just that I've changed...you have your life..I have my life..we are still friends..but things are just not the same..and it's so hard for me to tell u things anymore..I don't know why...*sigh*..depressing lah...slept whole day..kinda...anyway since I didn't really sleep well last night...fucked up..the whole afternoon trying to sleep also cannot...what else..him lah..keep dreaming and waking up...of all people it had to be him...depressing sial..and everytime my phone sounded..I would be so eager to check it..only to be dissapointed..*sigh*..expected already anyway...I don't think he would even remember...*sigh*....is this the most depressing birthday I had or what?feel so sad and depressed the whole day...heartache?dunno....should i give a miscall?damn...can't get it off my mind...d-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-n-g ....d--e--p--r--e--s--s--i--n--g...At least I still have friends wishing me...but of course it will be better if he did too..haih..hopeless..sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed depressed why depressed depressed depressed do depressed depressed depressed I depressed depressed still depressed depresssed depressed depresseddepressed think depressed depressed of depressed depressed depressed him depressed depressed depressed depressed I depressed depressed still depressed depressed love depressed depressed him depressed depressed ?ya..i do..
should be studying instead but ere blogging..I'm slacking man..slacker..S-L-A-C-K-E-R..!no mood dei..anyway forgot to mention yesterday know my human comm mid term result..consider good for a slacker..hhahaha..let me action here a bit..got 16.67777777...(never ending).fish say =17/20..i think the essay help me..hahahahaha..the highest in class is 18...hehehehe..one night studying..hahahaha..really bipolar depression lah..one minute ere laughing like mad..the next minute you can find me in a pool of tears..anyway beat the elephant..somemore elephant subject you know..consider her mass comm subject dei...she action only lah..her subject easier..ask her come study psych surely die...somemore want to boast there and look down on us..say our IQ low lah and what..idiot circus elephant..
whatever lah....can't be bother now..really can't get it off my mind...he's haunting me again...haih..not making sense not making sense idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot\. _ _\_._\_._.
amore?Coś è?non lo so....non so cosa fare...
a pensi?non lo so....perchè?perchè mollare?non lo sapevi?perchè...?anche non lo so...non capisco..
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
9:39 PM
Haih..again??*sigh*....
Today woke up feeling so tired..body aching..dunno why..is it because yesterday standing too much?tired dei..feel like sleeping whole day...*yawn*
...haih...yesterday went to t.s again..a lot of people cause school holiday mah..didn't really play much..anyway my other purpose of going is also to see him..haihz...something embarassing happen also...thanx to yeez lah...when we reached there..then we saw lot of ppl playing and I heard ppl talking about him..kinda in a way..but didn't see him.so was curious..then yeez suggested to go walk a whole round to look and see if he's here..especially the side where got lots of small machine where you play fighting one..so walk there..I of course readily agree..then sekali saw him sitting at the game where he usually play..pass by beside him..then this big mouth yeez go and say out so loud somemore and point the finger out somemore and stop right beside him somemore..say something like"nah..he's right here lah." and turn to me somemore..finger pointing at him..so obvious..surely he heard and knows that I purposely go and find him..embarassing lah..and I somemore was quite blur..so when yeez point the finger the time..I turn and look..and when I saw him..my whole mind went blank.. i think he heard what yeez said..idiot..sekali he knows I purposely find him..want to see him..I don't normally go that side also..my whole mind went blank anyway..I couldn't think..I just look at him and he also look up the moment he heard yeez talking and pointing..so when I turn and look,he also turn and look up..and our eyes met..how come the timing so right?...my mind was really blank that time..I really dunno what to do..so I just stare straight at him...and he also just look straight at me..we were just like looking into each other's eyes for like dunno how long..it seems quite long to me..but probably only like 10 seconds?embarassing lah...I really cannot think..and when I finally come to my senses and realize that I was actually staring into his eyes and he was doing the same thing too, I still continue to stare into his eyes for a few more seconds before breaking off the gaze..it's like I was hypnotized..mind totally blank..I quickly turn and walk away after that..more like dragging yeez away...dei..embarassing lah..eye contact somemore..after that we went back to ID side and I'm so embarassed till I don't want to stay there so I suggested that we go and eat..then sekali he came...dunno is on purpose or what?he came cause he knows I'm here?haih...stand quite near somemore..consider beside me lah..and I think he talk to yeez about something..I wasn't sure..cause I wasn't listening at this point and I really want to dig a hole and bury my face..can't even bring my face to look at his direction..really embarassing to the max..I don't even know face got turn red or not..I don't think so right?so I keep bugging yeez to go for lunch..but she refuse..I don't know she did it on purpose or what..she say want to see ppl race a while more..idiot!But she agree later after my constant bugging and complaining of hunger..anyway I'm really hungry also that time..
haih..embarassing lah..!I still can't forget...and how can my mind turn blank??totally blank u know..my brain like just stop functioning all of sudden,cannot think..really blank and I was like staring into his eyes for 5 seconds before I only realize that I'm doing it..embarassing..what he must think of me?he surely knows I purposely came looking for him...dei no dah!At least the day went on quite well after that in a way..since I was not ignored by him like last time..later that evening when ppl was lesser..he came back later around evening - he was away for quite some time during the afternoon,went to send friend off or something like that...I was playing that time ,get the chance to play already since lesser ppl..at first I thought he went back home already,then sekali heard his voice..he was talking to yeez..then later when yeez was battling..got fish..so he told us..I asked yeez to bring out our dc..but she don' t want anyway she busy also..and anyway mr.kecil hati is waiting there ever ready for free round..surely he will rampas and play our car...so what to do..let the fish go lorr..somemore the fish want to play with me..anyway..I talk to him that time..asking bout the fish..look straight at him and talk somemore..finally got the courage to do that..talk to him like one person to one person..since yeez busy battling there..(since nad ask me to take the initiative to talk first..the reason I kena ignored may be because his ego too big..or he too malu to talk to me..or scared I'm mad or whatever..so the best is for me to start the talking..)..I think he also same like me..don't dare to talk each other one to one and will try to avoid looking at each other’s face when talking..cause when I was talking to him....he avoid looking at my face and try avoid talking..he did shrug and try to give me a smile..but it look forced...well and his reaction looks like mine..like dunno what to do…like it’s so hard for him to have a talk face to face directly.maybe we are both kinda feeling the same thing?messed up feeling?…well anyway I wasn't totally ignored like last time..somemore can pass thing to me..I mean he help me to pass yeez wallet when she pass it to me while she's battling cause my arm not long enough to reached..lots of other small small things also lah..and that he listen to what I say and respond back although I'm not talking to him but to yeez...Haih..as usual like to come and stand near me..beside me if can..haih..steal looks at me when he thought I dunno..haih....like when yeez when to toilet...I couldn't find her in the whole arcade..and was tired..so went and sit down in a corner..the 50 cent machine there but nvr play,I just wanna sit down..then sekali he came back to ID side from his fighting machine..and wanted to leave already..sekali saw me..then he turn back and talk to the ppl at the counter(since they quite close with him) there where he could see me ..he hang around there for a while...I saw this from the corner of my eyes since I was sitting sideways,face facing ID machine side..and I slightly turn my face towards the right to take a peek at him also..dei..kinda saw him looking..so I pretend to drink water and all..as usual trying not to make it obvious but dunno whether it turn out more obvious or not..don't know he got see me stealing looks at him or not..dei no dah!yes..I was actually doing the same thing..taking a peek whenever I can..so that's why I even know when he left..even can tell yeez that he left when she came back from toilet..haih...*sigh*...hopeless..hopeless...HOPELESS!oh by the way..exactly 2 months d on yesteday..14th..haih..but I'm happy that I wasn't ignored yesterday..although embarassing stuff happen..but actually I'm kinda happy that the embarassing moment happen also..a bit only..happy that we make that eye contact..don't ask why..dunno how to explain..happy...sad at the same time..embarassing also...mixed feeling..embarassed.. sad...happy.. happy..sad.. depressed... happy..shit lah!!Now I feel like msg & wishing him on his birthday more and more.will he do the same?I don't think so..don't even think he remember..and if he does..the chances are low also..malu mah..but friends can msg and wish wat..nothing wrong with that right?but we're no that close leh..a miscall will also do...haih..like he will do that..dream on lah...hopeless...hopeless..HOPELESS again..false hope...HOPELESS..I get addicted to a new game also by the way..quite worth it..and nice also.. 50 cent and you can play don't know how long..can save and load your game the next time somemore..if only I know how to log in...accidentaly create another account cause I don't know how to log in to load the previous account, now got two accounts..it's bout fighting one lah..win two fellow who come and challenge me somemore..hahahaha..I'm good..praising myself..^_^...hahhaha...I don't even know what button does what..just press only..like that also can win...heh=)..but fingers very tired..I saw lots of ppl playing so interested in what's so nice bout it..that 's y started playing...haih...yalah..yalah..actually part of the reason I started to play also because he's playing lah(he's a pro in that game)..i know..hopeless..hopeless..hopeless 2 da max!But it's worth going yesterday lah...I'm a sad case..shitlah..feel like seeing him..missing dei?no dah!H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S-!! In conclusion: I'm just fucked up!
p.s.some ppl regret huh?never get to see "H"?
p.s.racoon gave me my present 2day..thanx..you still give me something althought you don't know what to get..
p.s.roach called on saturday..talk for almost an hour..still the same ol' roach..bitching..and it seems to us he's still here and nvr leave since he msg us often..it's like he still know what's happening to us and we still do too..it's like things never change..
p.s.*added*phone vibrating,few msgs ...at 12..me birthday..eager.. dissapointed as none is from the person I was hoping for...thanx anyway to those ppl..u all remember...*hugz*..haih..I don't think I will get any from that person anyway...false hope again..really H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S!!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Saturday, March 12, 2005
11:57 PM
damm.!!damn!
Damm..
damm..dammm..damn!
I'm back to my old ways again...I think I've sunken into bipolar depression....I didn't know that I still have such strong feelings for him...or should I said I actually known it all along..I was just ignoring it...repressing it...till it no longer can be ignored..no longer can be repressed...
Idiot...!I really want to hate you...really really want to hate you..don't you know it will be so much much more easier this way?you know shit!You don't understand shit...you dunno fucking any shit....maybe you know some shit..but why did you do it if you know some shit?You really dunno shit!!Do you know that how deeply you hurt me?How much pain you cause me..?How much tears I wasted on you..again and again..and will still do...you invade my thoughts almost every single day......How my heart always hurt when I think about you?I really feel a stab of pain when I think about you..when I see you...dreams..you always appear..I can even feel the pain in my heart while sleeping....so damm sad..so damm fucking depressed...tears can even come out while I'm sleeping?Do you know??You know shit!You are a shit up person!!A piece of shit...hahahhaha..that make me worse..since I still care..still worry for you..I know I should have just let it go..but it's not easy ok?It's really not easy...It's hard...It's damm fucking hard...I even wasted my time and my money..risked scolding just to see you...but the funny thing is I think it's worth it..I don't think it's wasted..I really think it's worth it..just to get a glimpse of you...it's enough to make me happy..hahaha..I'm stupid right?real stupid man....All I want is some concern from you?as a friend?is that too much too ask?no....you would rather talk to the whole world except me..you would rather do anything to the whole world but me..is that call friends?Is that call being friends??I here trying to make the effort to be friends...since that is what you want...but no..you ignored me...you think it's easy for me to smile at you?to act normal?Is that so much to ask?All I want is a bit of concern from you..as a friend..is that so hard?I'm not asking to get back..just a bit of concern from you..a bit only..even a tiny bit is enough..
Yes..I will move on..continue with life...do my daily stuff...work..whatever..but you will always be hovering somewhere behind my mind...just waiting...waiting to invade my thoughts whenever you have the chance...haunting me..but you don't give a damm..you don't right?You don't give a damm..but I still give a damm about you...still care for you..i can't believe why am I so stupid...damm stupid..you know that day I even feel sad for you when your car level down..really feel it..and worry somemore..knowing you don't really have much money to work back on it...but I know you could just easily work back on it...Why do I give a damm anyway?You don't give a damm...damm you...!damn!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Friday, March 11, 2005
11:40 PM
Just another day..
Another day..went to yeez college again today..last of the last..I'm not going back there already...I'm illegal dei!!not fun being an "illegal immigrant"..anyway.not so good going for free class also for so many times..learn somethings today..more on html..heh=)...finished up quite a lot of the questionnaires also today..at least no need to worry so much..faster finish it up..dei!have to finish up dah..lots of work coming also...NOooooooo...*sigh*...today went to t.s again today...saw ppl again...happy also lah since kinda so long never see already....kinda miss ppl also..so it's also good that can see him 2day....haih..but still not really in talking terms..almost 2 months already..to be exact 3 more days, 14th then 2 months already..still not really talking....i mean will still answer questions lah if asked but normally won't talk if there's nothing..and he will rather talk to other ppl than me....but i think i caught him looking at me a few times..peep actually..from the corner of my eyes..hopeless lah me..i dunno whether or not he caught me looking at him...yes..i did look..*sigh*..playing with his phone most of the time...I try not to make it so obvious already..dei but the more u try not to make it obvious, the more obvious it become...he wore green 2day...not the wooly shirt i like..wooly shirt only on saturdays..but hair gel..nice dah.....haih...sad dei..so irony somemore have to see him 2day..if we were still together it will be our 3rd month dah...11th..exactly lah..exactly 3 months if we were still together..but it's over already...ppl's birthday coming somemore..21st...y the hell do i even remember his bday??don't think he even remember mine..mine also coming..our birthdays are very near each other one i remember..but mine first lah.....dunno should wish him or not also..feel like sending him a msg to wish lah..but dunno lah..will he think something else??like that time send him CNY msg...no reply also..sekali he thinks something else...i don't even know what make me do it..i really feel like sending so end up sending..but this time different leh...haih..dunno how lah..should send or not?haih...sad..sad..sad..sad...i'm a stupid fool who is still giving myself false hope...still waiting............hopeless lah me..don't bother..anyway didn't play much today..yeez there got so many free rounds somemore..idiot...i'm was so damm bored waiting for her to finished playing..rounds after rounds...and all the machine all occupied..can see cannot play....got ppl today regret about something...right yeez??Mr. H....hahahhaha..regret?
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
2:06 AM
Sick..
Been sick these few days...bleh..back to the days of eating medicine..and seeing doctors.=(...at least finished social assignment already..head spinning also must watch the movies..nad also kena food poisoning..go toilets don't know how many times a day..vomit somemore..till no energy..but still we managed to finished our inidividual assignment and pass up..been sleeping a lot these few days..straight for a few hours without waking up dei..really deep sleep.. and tired..mid terms result come back already..dei..i guess it's consider ok gua..hmm..kinda relaxing now..or should i say slacking?anyway..today nad went shopping..happy already she..as usual surely bought clothes lah..say so long never go shopping already..hahaha..like just came out of prison..relieve stress...say not enough somemore cause have to bring hans along..tommorow going again...hahaha..that shopaholic..so funny...Let me slack a little while more lah..then it's back to work again..so much work ahead waiting..argghh...so many stressor..yikess..my worst fear coming!!lab reports!!and colloqium!!haih..human comm project doing soon also..and still haven't make appointment yet..nad is getting on it..siti nurhaliza is a definite no already..i think she's somewhere in london performing for the queen or something..or is she back yet?can't be bother lah!..anyway,no offense most of the people don't like her anyway..it's good also not doing her..*sigh*...my sleeping cycle is ruin once again..dei..i better sleep dah!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Monday, March 07, 2005
3:18 AM
Dreamin'....why?
I longed to be at the table again..
craving for the food...
missing the crowd... and..
hoping to see the people
again..
And of course you..
Wish that you were seated beside me again
Along the big long mahogany table..
That you will hold my hand again..
Stroke it again..
As if that’s the only thing that matters..
How long will you hold it?
Once again I ask..
Will you let it go?
How I wish that moment would last again..
Again and again..
Endlessly..
Then you would have to hold my hands forever..
Forever and ever..
Without letting it go..
Will that ever happen?
Only in my dreams..
I see you..
Holding my hands once again..
This time I hold yours back…
But you let it go
The moment my hand touches yours..
Leaving me all alone in the dark..
I trip.. .
I stumble..
To find my way back..
To find your hands once again..
But it always seems so far out of reach..
So distance..
So far away..
I can’t reach it..
I really can’t reach it..
It’s too far away..
Yet I never give up..
I’m still finding for your hands in the dark..
Still waiting for your hands to guide me back..
Why did you let go?
I thought my hands are the only things that matter to you?
You broke your promise..
To hold my hands forever..
Why did you let it go?
Why did you leave me in the dark?
How could you?
How could you leave me all alone in the dark?
Why?Why?Why??
Why did you let it go?
Why?
Why didn't you hold it?
Why didn't you hold it tight?
Don't hold it..
If you didn't mean to hold it tight...
Don’t hold it…
If you plan to let it go in the first place..…
Why?
Why did you let it go?????
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Saturday, March 05, 2005
12:26 AM
Dreamin'
I was invited..
everyone was seated..
there was so many noise..
so many people..
friends...
so many food..
on the big long table..
and suddenly out of nowhere..
you appear..
as stunning as ever..
seated beside me..
I totally ignored you..
you hold my right hand..
I fling it away..
spoke to you in a harsh manner..
I didn't know why I even did that..
you look so calm...
seems to understand..
without another word..
you try to hold my hand again..
This time..
I hesitate..
I didn't let it go...
nor swing it away..
You just kept on holding..
Stroking my fingers..
I look on..
I look at you..
But I never did anything..
I let you hold it...
How long will you hold it?
My hand..
Stroking it..
As if it's the only things that matters to you..
A treasure to you..
How long will you hold it?
Will you let it go?
© Enigma
1 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Friday, March 04, 2005
5:59 AM
Blog under construction..
More updates coming soon..will change stuff here and there..got bored with it....so if you find anything weird or you saw it's like messeed up..don't bother cause I may just leave like that cause busy lately..not much time to work on it...but will do some changes here and there when I'm free...meanwhile just bear with the old layouts..oh ya..one more song added..but it loads too slow..trying to find a way to make it faster somehow...more songs coming soon...and also change the header already...my blog may go for this "illusion" theme in future..or maybe for a more "cosmic" theme or even a more "mousey" theme..i haven't really decide yet..so it's a few of everything now...dei..have to sleep dah!!-_-zzzzzzzzzzz........zzz....work...work...zzzz...zzzzz....zzz...work..zzzzzzzzzzz!!+_+
© Enigma
2 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Busy...or Dead??
Will be very busy lately and not update that often anymore..late night..*sigh*...dark circles,pimples...eye luggage...all got...it's not exam time yet...but already i'm looking like shit...dei lot of work dah!stress!!! half dead...!!
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
8:10 PM
More movies..
Dei assignment due soon dah!and I still have around 5 more movies to watch..watch until headache already...but all movie nice dah..want to mention a few here again..and very sad..haih..every movie also cry...touching also..not bad also this movie "we were soldiers"..it was based on a book "We Were Soldiers Once...and Young" which is a true story written by the lieutanant General harold G. Moore ans Joseph L. Galloway..This movie is about a major battle between the U.S Army and North Vietnamese Army regulars fought in the Central Highlands of Vietnam in November, 1965...lots of ppl died dah...sad dei!and another movie i watch is "a walk to remember"..guess most of the u should know it..since it's also based on a book..and mostly ppl know bout the story already...anyway..still got lots of movie to watch..watching "antwone fisher" soon and "blow"..both are based on true stoy also..surely nice...
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field and I will be the last to step off. And I will leave no one behind." -Lt Colonel Harold G. Moore-
© Enigma
0 person have hold my hands, have you?
<< Home >>
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
