...into muhh heart, muhh soul, a brand new miee! :)
takemyHAND*
hold me close and say three words like you used to do just three words iloveyou-
huh?!lost?; click on your right and navigate your way through!*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Monday, April 06, 2009
4:48 PM
MADNESS..EMO POST...MIA IN PROGRESSS!!
I am still MIA-ing.. What I had I reflected and happended so far doing this period..
During this period I indulge myself in the virtual world of game..and realize something.. humans are just the same everywhere..
In reality, people just throw u away after using you..or ignore you when you no longer have any value to "be used".. In game it's the same..if you are of lower level or even if you're high level but you are inactive and been away for sooo long, ppl will just delete you from buddy..or ignore you when you talk to them.. because u no longer have the value to them..you can't be used..
In reality, people suck up to ppl who are popular /famous / boss.. same thing in game..if you are someone famous aka popular aka pro ..ppl just suck up to u and start being friendly..
It's all come down to the same thing..ppl come to you when you have something they need or something that can be used..be it basking in your fame or your glory.. If not...as simple as that..fuck off.
For my own experience doing this period. Most people have deleted me of their friend's list due to my long absence ..it's just reality anyway. However there're some really good people I've met from the virtual world and have became good friends till today. We stay in touch outside the virtual world. :) However there's some idiot..names shall not be mentioned...you can see their attitude totally change when I talk to them. Well they still "treat" me nice..on the outside..but the fact is..I'm a noob to them, since I have nothing more to be used. And they start being friendly and "sticking" to those famous ppl..and thus ignoring noobs like me. Unless when they're bored, they'll come to you. Well can't blame them. Humans are just selfish as I've mentioned in some of my earlier post. When I need you, I come to you. When I don't need you, you go to hell. It's a theory I just need to understand. This is reality.
Can't people understand the simple theory of give and take?In any relationship (friends, family, spouse)..you have to give and take. If you only take, ultimately you'll destroyed the relationship. No matter how good the other party is, it'll take a toll. The other party will get sick, tired and fed up. The end product?.............Hurt.Pain. Sorrow.
I dunno what I'm blabbering or getting to anyway. I'm still tired.
Had a big fight with dad the day before. I don't want to explain. Duwan to talk. He got so worked up. He threw the stainless steel container at me. I avoided it.Lucky. The chicken wings was flying around the place though. He bang the table. The soup spill. Yeah.had to clean up the mess after that. He shouted and screamed till the whole neighbourhood can hear. The auntie & family behind my house (the tv station of the neighbourhood) probably heard the whole fight. The window was open.ahahahahaa..cool huh?
Whatever it is. I have made up my mind. You make me hardened my heart. I'm determined to leave you. Leave you for good. And never return. I don't care how you gonna be. I don't care if I'm gonna regret. You bring this all on urself. Call me a anak derhaka. I have tolerate you for 23 years of my life. Nobody can tolerate you. Don't you realize? That's why people leave the house? I guess you never will. Do you know I'm only 23yrs old.. and I feel like I'm being married already? Married to you. Every single thing in my life. I have to plan around you. Do you know how tiring it is? Even my job. I have to get a 9-5 job probably to satisfied you. To come home and work like a bloody housewife. Weekends? Ahaahahaha..I have to be your date. Because you are fucking lonely. I endured every 'date' with you. You bring me to 'your family'. I don't undestand their alien language. You called me anti-social. I forced myself to be someone I'm not then. Do you know I hated every single moment?Hated. My hatred is very deep you don't know right!? Fuck man. I don't fucking care. I go out. You say those words. say I don't care. say I leave you. trying to make me feel guilty. I have to take care of you. Every single aspect of your life. To the point where I have to serve you, prepare you breakfast, take you out...etc.. Take the initiative to do things for you.WTF? I have totally no life. Do you know that? You want me to be what? A totally filial piety daughter? Dedicated my whole life to you? Just because you are so scared so scared to be alone? You want to travel. But you pull me along because you have no partner. Do you know how much I suffocated when I travel with you? I tried to enjoy myself. I did. But It was a torture. This time I refused to travel with you. You start saying those words giving me pressure. Acting all sad and kesian. Damn you. you're just manipulating me, ain't you? cause I'm the only one here. Bro can' stand you too..you know that? You don't right? He doesn't want to come back because of you too..u dunno right? hahahahahahahahahaha.. so smart of him..leave this shit to me.
I'm 23. Yet. whatever I do, I need your permission. whatever I do, I need to tell you. Who what where when. I need to tell you every single thing. I need to follow your way. I need to follow your rules. for god sake, I'm an adult. YET YOU CONTROL MY LIFE. MY LIFE IS PLAN AROUND YOU. I HAD ENOUGH MAN. ENOUGH. you take your temper out on me. you give me pressure. asking when am I supporting the house? cool huh? Once I get out to the working world. I've to start earning big bucks to support the bloody house and the bloody farker. Cool huh? hahahahaha..really cool. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I have so much burden. I'm going mad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.. You act and said you care. But do you? You buy what you like. You forced me to eat wad you like. You forced me to places you like. You forced me to do things you want to do. Do you know how much how much I hate. I HATE. nobody knows how deep my hatred is. I hated.suffocated. Yet I endured. That's why it's taking a toll on me I guess.
sometimes I really feel like just leaving. yet I have to stand up.
And people is just not helping the situations. Problems Problems and More problems!!? No one can understand me..cause they are not me. I have to get my applications stuff going..if I want to leave this shit place. Damn. He's getting worst ever since she left. And I'm at the brink of madness too. I need to start getting big bucks job too. Damn.
I used to be a carefree..happy go lucky person. since when I become such a sad person. Sad. Moody. Depressing. hahahahahahaha! I dunno either.
I'm still am the happy person. perhaps that what people see. Inside I'm suffocating.. slowly rotting.. I wish I was dead. Many times. I wishI would never open my eyes the next morning after I close it for the night. let it all end.
I have lose interest in everything. Everything seem meaningless... Can you believe I've lost interest in shopping too? HAhahahahah.. Emo. Let me be. Don't ask am I okie. I duwan to have to make any meaningless reply. Or explain anything. I've no energy. Do me a favour. Just don't talk to me. I'm emo. Let me Have my MIA. I need time to think. Away from people.
takeMEbytheHAND.
Enigma
天子心
I was born under the smallest astrological sign 24 yrs ago
used to be a psychology student
but now a self-proclaimed full time slacker
on a soul searching journey..
but end up finding my soulmate instead, love being with YOU :)
takeMEsomewhereNEW.
::A dreamer::
::An adventurer::
::A traveller::
::A slacker::
::A party gal,once in a blue moon::
::A game freak::
::Slacker workaholic::
::Anime & manga enthusiast::
::Queen of lateness::
::Night owl::
::Psychometric nerd::
::I'm still finding my way :)::
HANDinHAND.
#1Want ::Get an iphone::
#2Want ::Nintendo Wii::
#3Want ::Go to Japan::
#4Want ::Learn skiing::
#5Want ::Complete my bungy jump attempt::
#6Want ::Get Scuba Diving license::
#7Want ::Invest in an underwater camera::
#8Want ::Get solo skydiving license::
#9Want ::Climb a mountain::
#10Want ::Gain my doctorate::
#1Wish ::Travel/Backpack around the world::
#2Wish ::Pursue my dream & achieve the highest::
#3Wish ::Master as many languages in this world as possible ::
#4Wish ::Study all about the myths of Egypt,Rome and Greek culture::
#5Wish ::Wanna be a millionaire $_$ *quite impossible*::
#6Wish ::To volunteer frontline @ africa or some war-torn country::
