Step into muhh WORLD OF ENIGMA.... `take my HAND* NEVER let go-

World of Enigma: The Revolution...*
...into muhh heart, muhh soul, a brand new miee! :)

::When Illusions meets Realities::The Surreal Realm of Reality::A step into the World of Enigma..~::

takemyHAND*

hold me close
and say three words
like you used to do
just three words
iloveyou-

huh?!lost?; click on your right and navigate your way through!*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, August 20, 2009
8:08 PM

Dissapear

I did nothing productive today.
Except emo and rot.
Sigh my letters not done.
How am I gonna go uni and settle stuff if I'm working already!!grrr meaning I have to just take off day.damn! THAT WHY I DUWAN TO WORK A FUCKING FULL TIME JOB!!!!SEE LARH!ARGH!
Yesterday night was looking through the uni app procedure again. One already I'm having headache. Imagine 5.. Stupid...I have to go through so much hassle.Headache -_-"
I need to register for my GRE soon too. I can't make up my mind on which dates..sigh. I need to study. Haihz.

I have no more energy
I'm too stressed out and tired.
I had to rest after lunch.
I'm suppose to clean the house today.
Yet I can't even bring myself to do it.
So many chores. I'm too tired to do any of it also.
Sigh. I'm tired.

Too tired to layan people.
Too tired to talk.
Too tired to even reply sms.
I'm too tired.

Due to my emo-ness, I lost all my money in the fb poker. Now I can't even relax in poker!DAMMIT!
Sigh.
What's wrong with me?

Fuck la.
I hate this place.

I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I have to be strong.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I have to go on.I duwan to come back. I duwan to come back. I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I am lost.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.I duwan to come back.

LET ME LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Shit hole

I really really wished that plane would just crashed and we just got stranded in somewhere in the middle of a jungle or a forest or something.
No one would be able to find us and they would think we're dead.
That'll be good.
Total lost contact of the world.
How nice.

Apparently that's not the case.
I have to come back to reality.
I miss NZ hell a lot.
The life. The peacefulness. The nature. The air. The tranquility. Serene.
Sigh, how I wish.
And it's the best place to practice tarots too with the energy of the nature so close by, u can just feel it ^_^.

Yet I had to come back to this shit hole.

I'm worry about lots of things.
Lots of thing need to be plan.
Lots of thing need to be arrange.
Lots of thing need to be settled.
And All I get is pile of shits.

I'm tired probably.
Problems and problems.
And more problems had to come.
I'm overload.
Please.
I am very scared.
I am very sad.
I cannot take this.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Numb

I dunno what I'm feeling.
I dunno what to do.
I just did something that's probably irreversible.
I've hurt someone.
I've hurt myself.

I'm just sick and tired.
Exhausted.
Mentally exhausted about every shit.

I wish I don't have to come back.
I'm a coward.
I want to escape forever and ever.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, August 11, 2009
9:35 AM

Away

Currently in NZ.LOL!

Can u believe their wireless in their airport need to pay!!!

Must be population too little can't earn money..wahahaha!

The airport pun quite small not much people. -_-"..macam teruk sia!!

Currently at auckland airport waiting for my flight to taupo..using their free computer have 3 nia -_-"..10 hours flight from KL left me exhasuted. can't sleep pun -_-"!the donkey behind me keep kicking and shifiting around..zzzzzzzz...and to confined into a seat for 10 hours..9 hours + la..torture =X..I forgot how I endure my flight to US last time..that was like 23hrs?-_-"..

Looking like shit now..with teruk face..no makeup..no nothing ..with my nerdy specs..too tired can't be bothered -_-"....

Continously few nights not enough slp..-_- the night before slept at 5am , packing..woke up at 10am..then rush around..up and down, left and right, pack here and here finally manage to rush in time -_- end up I never ate lunch cause bo time..rush to kl take clothes come back busy stuffing luggage..stuff till sweat..had to use the special plastic air compressor bag to fit my clothes.the trenchcoat too bulky and my luggage too small. packed too many unecessary stuff :p.HE told me that I'm going for holidays not fashion show worr. but still~!!!!a gal needs to look good tau!!for picture's sake..kekekeke!!

Anyway in the end I had to use my butt to sat on the air compressor bag to flatten it..still not enough to let the air out.. I had to jumpsit on it. Apparently my 39kg is not enough to let all the air out -_- am I too light?Racoon said I lost weight again..look skinnier..cham :S no wonder my clothes looser..damn!I don't want to look like aneroxic..though I'm already looking like one -_-"

Shall post pictures soon when can. Miss u =X

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Friday, August 07, 2009
2:30 PM

Emo..Random Thoughts

I realize I miss a lot of things..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
In the middle of the night..
bro: eh jagung..want monopopo?
me: want..!!*pull out monopoly set*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
bro: *show me smtg*
me: wahhhhhhhh!
bro: canggih punya barang tau..!!~

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
bro: jagung..mau internet cafe tak?
me: mau!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
yeez: I miss ID time..
me: me too..eh where's our card?
yeez: must go dig it out ...
me: got rainbow aura already bo?
yeez: haven't.
me: shit you laaa..that time say wanna work our car..!bday gift sumore!
yeez: eh let's go back one day la...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
racoon: dei....malas sia wanna go class
me: yasia...boring la..eh go watch movie la or go jungle?
racoon: eh jungle also can
me: eh sudah la!!fuck class la..let's go..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I miss so many things..
I miss my old life
I miss mom
I miss bro
I miss a lot a lot more things I couldn't bring myself to remember..

Everyone change..everyone grow..everyone move forward..including me..
but why do I seem stuck..I wish I can turn back time..I wanna live in the past over and over again..
I wouldn't say I was better then..but I was at least happier...there were lesser problems lesser troubles..
I don't want to grow up. I duwan. Why can't I remain a kid?
I miss it.
Fuck.
Emo.

I miss her so much.so much.
I saw you left right in front of my eyes.
Even till that moment.you love me. you care for me. you think of me not you.
I did shit. I was so bad.
I know you have forgiven me.
You wouldn't want this.
But I could never forgive myself for what I did.
I am so sorry that I am a coward.
Regrets. I will buried it deep down till I die.

I am sorry that I ran away.

I am sorry.

I want to go MIA. fuck everything.emo-ing in progress.

stay away from me.
stay away.
I duwan to know.
I duwan to see
I duwan to hear.
I duwan to feel.
I have my own problems too.
fuck everyone.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Just $$$ Thoughts

I had dinner with yeez yesterday night.partly is to paid some of my debts off and also to make more debts?LOL!!!!The ETS stupid la I can't get my payment through, so need to use her credit card again..pay for my additional score report for my TOEFL english test. tomorrow is the test -_- and I haven't go through the format yet. Anyway most people say it's easy for regular english speaker, so should be alright bahs.

Dinner with her made me thought of lots of things..
That si poh poh got promotion and salary increment, no bonus though..some people gross salary reaching 3k worrr..rich already! =X
not including her shares there dunno raking in how much money worrrr..si poh poh..i wanna play too T_T.

Anyway I remember part of this conversation I had..

me: eh you got promotion and salary increment already, should belanja right!?
yeez: shit you la..

Moments later..

yeez: nah grilled fish share with you..don't say I don't belanja..
me: hahahaha..wait lar when I working, I belanja..
yeez: you say niaa..
me: Yala yala will belanja you............. mamak!LOL!
yeez: damn you.
me: eh,my salary kesian one you know have to pay this that somemore..
yeez: yaya..u arh.. gonna continue be broke if you don't control. waste on unnecessary stuff. Like your manga collection there.
me: -_- I know.. hard to control. Got money sure spend. Then broke, then go dig money, got money spend again.
yeez: But somehow you can never be rich one ehs.
me: yeah that one I know also. I love money but I can't la..financial stuff I totally not interested.You gimme the share page all I see the figures I headache d, cannot -_-".ask your bf teach me also wasting energy -_-".I tried reading the financial/business page in newspaper,read few lines I wanna vomit already, macam forcing myself. Totally no interest.
yeez: Yeala..you somehow not business-minded la.
me: T_T I money minded but not business-minded.Sad case.
yeez: Hahahaha!!!
me: Aiya, you see la even my future pathway or job the way I going, not rich one leh.
yeez: no money.. then you going for?
me: err..maybe got status,recognition,achievement..but no money. -_-".
yeez: got status no money got what use?
me: cheh..got emotional satisfaction?LOL!
yeez: eh..eh *do money hand sign* with money you also can get satisfaction you know.
me: *zhadou*.....yala i know la. No choice la..I think I will go for what I enjoy more instead of money. -_-" Wait la when you earning your 5 figure salary, I think I'll be duno doing what.. LOL!!!!

I just realize then what a big contradiction. I want money yet I can't bring myself to go down the money path T_T. I don't love money that much after all?:/
Strange how can a cheapo not love money?:/

Maybe that why I idolize donald trump XD? I like rich old man. =X .HAHAHAHAHA!
no lah..I admire people wiith such capability because I can't achieve that -_-"?LOL?

But I think I still love money :(..I'm just too selfish to sacrifice myself for money perhaps?LOLLLL!!!

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Trouble Thoughts

I feel like going MIA again.
Haihz.
I'm tired.
Exhausted.
Drained.
So many many things.

NZ trip will do me good.

I hope.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, August 05, 2009
11:38 PM

Public Apology

Okie I'm writing this..because of my previous post. I apologize to the lady in question sincerely for my mistake. I had misunderstood everything due to my own stupidity. =X I'm really sorry that everything had turn out this way. I hope that no one should be blame or accounted for in this incident as I'm the one at fault for starting the whole thing. Certain people are just trying to help me out. :/

I'm really sorry. :(

I apologize once again.

Peace out everyone? ^.^v..*turn and plays M.J's "Heal the World"* =X

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Tuesday, August 04, 2009
12:39 PM

Brainless or pure stupidity?

If it wasn't for perempuan who told me to go see what some *pardon me, there's gonna be a lot of vulgarity in the following sentences to come*...some stupid girls reply about what I wrote..I wouldn't even be bothered to write this post.
Such insignificant being does not deserve even a little tiny portion of my time and energy. But then again, after much thought, I've decided to actually blog this post out,since I can't stand the stupidity one can have. *sigh*

The story goes like this..
I was just asking a long lost friend of mine how is he doing on his chatbox. It was just a normal healthy conversation consisting of questions like " hey, how are you doing?Have you graduated..etc etc..those usual NORMAL conversation, you know *roll eyes*

Then..
Out of sudden..
He have this jealous girlfriend started posting sarcastic remarks
"wow, fandom Q&A wip here? impressive! way to go... *applauds*" (copy and pasted as per real)

According to my analysis from the above sentence, this girl here is feeling insecure, thus she got scare that anyone who tries to talk to her guy is trying to actually erm..snatch him away?
From what we can see too, she feels inferior and also lack of confidence in the relationship, thus that explain her insecureness.
At the point of time, she probably feel some sense of jealousy,anger and probably thoughts like "who the hell this gal think she is..to talk to my man?"
She's probably fuming so much that she can't even type properly with all the spelling mistakes :p WAHAHAHAH!
However, she's trying to act smart and cover up all such feeling, therefore leading her to post such remarks. Because, she doesn't want to feel inferior towards her 'so-called enemy', she's trying to show that she's way above and clever than her 'so-called enemy' by leaving such comments.

Conclusion: IMO, such girl falls into my stereotype of girly girls, over possessive immature girlfriends. why don't you lock your guy up then? poor thing, he wouldn't have any friends left don't he? Yes, you are the GF, but does that give you the rights to dictate his social life or control every aspect of his life? or even vent your so called anger at his friends? If you think so, then kiddo you still have a long way to learn about relationship.

To be a good partner, is to share and communicate, give and take. not about dominating and controlling. talk to and communicate with you guy if there's anything troubling you, not venting your immaturity all over the place. AND PLEASE, I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOUR MAN. IF I WANT TO, I WILL HAVE MY WAYS, DO I NEED TO POST IT IN PUBLIC PLACE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE? use your brain and think.if you don't have one, probably try checking your ass, it might be there. you are brainless, does not mean I am, if I wanna seduce/'kao' whatever word u wanna use..your guy, I would have resort to other means. once again, I must stress,use your brain or your ass. :)

Oh well,
I must shamelessly admit that such retards still manage to evoke a response from me with such level of immaturity.She should be honored I guess?I dedicate this post to her..LOL!cool huh? :)

Wohoooo..I am being a biatch!A smart biatch. You are worst off. stupid biatch. kekekeke ;p

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*