...into muhh heart, muhh soul, a brand new miee! :)
takemyHAND*
hold me close and say three words like you used to do just three words iloveyou-
huh?!lost?; click on your right and navigate your way through!*
take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
9:39 PM
Haih..again??*sigh*....
Today woke up feeling so tired..body aching..dunno why..is it because yesterday standing too much?tired dei..feel like sleeping whole day...*yawn* ...haih...yesterday went to t.s again..a lot of people cause school holiday mah..didn't really play much..anyway my other purpose of going is also to see him..haihz...something embarassing happen also...thanx to yeez lah...when we reached there..then we saw lot of ppl playing and I heard ppl talking about him..kinda in a way..but didn't see him.so was curious..then yeez suggested to go walk a whole round to look and see if he's here..especially the side where got lots of small machine where you play fighting one..so walk there..I of course readily agree..then sekali saw him sitting at the game where he usually play..pass by beside him..then this big mouth yeez go and say out so loud somemore and point the finger out somemore and stop right beside him somemore..say something like"nah..he's right here lah." and turn to me somemore..finger pointing at him..so obvious..surely he heard and knows that I purposely go and find him..embarassing lah..and I somemore was quite blur..so when yeez point the finger the time..I turn and look..and when I saw him..my whole mind went blank.. i think he heard what yeez said..idiot..sekali he knows I purposely find him..want to see him..I don't normally go that side also..my whole mind went blank anyway..I couldn't think..I just look at him and he also look up the moment he heard yeez talking and pointing..so when I turn and look,he also turn and look up..and our eyes met..how come the timing so right?...my mind was really blank that time..I really dunno what to do..so I just stare straight at him...and he also just look straight at me..we were just like looking into each other's eyes for like dunno how long..it seems quite long to me..but probably only like 10 seconds?embarassing lah...I really cannot think..and when I finally come to my senses and realize that I was actually staring into his eyes and he was doing the same thing too, I still continue to stare into his eyes for a few more seconds before breaking off the gaze..it's like I was hypnotized..mind totally blank..I quickly turn and walk away after that..more like dragging yeez away...dei..embarassing lah..eye contact somemore..after that we went back to ID side and I'm so embarassed till I don't want to stay there so I suggested that we go and eat..then sekali he came...dunno is on purpose or what?he came cause he knows I'm here?haih...stand quite near somemore..consider beside me lah..and I think he talk to yeez about something..I wasn't sure..cause I wasn't listening at this point and I really want to dig a hole and bury my face..can't even bring my face to look at his direction..really embarassing to the max..I don't even know face got turn red or not..I don't think so right?so I keep bugging yeez to go for lunch..but she refuse..I don't know she did it on purpose or what..she say want to see ppl race a while more..idiot!But she agree later after my constant bugging and complaining of hunger..anyway I'm really hungry also that time.. haih..embarassing lah..!I still can't forget...and how can my mind turn blank??totally blank u know..my brain like just stop functioning all of sudden,cannot think..really blank and I was like staring into his eyes for 5 seconds before I only realize that I'm doing it..embarassing..what he must think of me?he surely knows I purposely came looking for him...dei no dah!At least the day went on quite well after that in a way..since I was not ignored by him like last time..later that evening when ppl was lesser..he came back later around evening - he was away for quite some time during the afternoon,went to send friend off or something like that...I was playing that time ,get the chance to play already since lesser ppl..at first I thought he went back home already,then sekali heard his voice..he was talking to yeez..then later when yeez was battling..got fish..so he told us..I asked yeez to bring out our dc..but she don' t want anyway she busy also..and anyway mr.kecil hati is waiting there ever ready for free round..surely he will rampas and play our car...so what to do..let the fish go lorr..somemore the fish want to play with me..anyway..I talk to him that time..asking bout the fish..look straight at him and talk somemore..finally got the courage to do that..talk to him like one person to one person..since yeez busy battling there..(since nad ask me to take the initiative to talk first..the reason I kena ignored may be because his ego too big..or he too malu to talk to me..or scared I'm mad or whatever..so the best is for me to start the talking..)..I think he also same like me..don't dare to talk each other one to one and will try to avoid looking at each other’s face when talking..cause when I was talking to him....he avoid looking at my face and try avoid talking..he did shrug and try to give me a smile..but it look forced...well and his reaction looks like mine..like dunno what to do…like it’s so hard for him to have a talk face to face directly.maybe we are both kinda feeling the same thing?messed up feeling?…well anyway I wasn't totally ignored like last time..somemore can pass thing to me..I mean he help me to pass yeez wallet when she pass it to me while she's battling cause my arm not long enough to reached..lots of other small small things also lah..and that he listen to what I say and respond back although I'm not talking to him but to yeez...Haih..as usual like to come and stand near me..beside me if can..haih..steal looks at me when he thought I dunno..haih....like when yeez when to toilet...I couldn't find her in the whole arcade..and was tired..so went and sit down in a corner..the 50 cent machine there but nvr play,I just wanna sit down..then sekali he came back to ID side from his fighting machine..and wanted to leave already..sekali saw me..then he turn back and talk to the ppl at the counter(since they quite close with him) there where he could see me ..he hang around there for a while...I saw this from the corner of my eyes since I was sitting sideways,face facing ID machine side..and I slightly turn my face towards the right to take a peek at him also..dei..kinda saw him looking..so I pretend to drink water and all..as usual trying not to make it obvious but dunno whether it turn out more obvious or not..don't know he got see me stealing looks at him or not..dei no dah!yes..I was actually doing the same thing..taking a peek whenever I can..so that's why I even know when he left..even can tell yeez that he left when she came back from toilet..haih...*sigh*...hopeless..hopeless...HOPELESS!oh by the way..exactly 2 months d on yesteday..14th..haih..but I'm happy that I wasn't ignored yesterday..although embarassing stuff happen..but actually I'm kinda happy that the embarassing moment happen also..a bit only..happy that we make that eye contact..don't ask why..dunno how to explain..happy...sad at the same time..embarassing also...mixed feeling..embarassed.. sad...happy.. happy..sad.. depressed... happy..shit lah!!Now I feel like msg & wishing him on his birthday more and more.will he do the same?I don't think so..don't even think he remember..and if he does..the chances are low also..malu mah..but friends can msg and wish wat..nothing wrong with that right?but we're no that close leh..a miscall will also do...haih..like he will do that..dream on lah...hopeless...hopeless..HOPELESS again..false hope...HOPELESS..I get addicted to a new game also by the way..quite worth it..and nice also.. 50 cent and you can play don't know how long..can save and load your game the next time somemore..if only I know how to log in...accidentaly create another account cause I don't know how to log in to load the previous account, now got two accounts..it's bout fighting one lah..win two fellow who come and challenge me somemore..hahahaha..I'm good..praising myself..^_^...hahhaha...I don't even know what button does what..just press only..like that also can win...heh=)..but fingers very tired..I saw lots of ppl playing so interested in what's so nice bout it..that 's y started playing...haih...yalah..yalah..actually part of the reason I started to play also because he's playing lah(he's a pro in that game)..i know..hopeless..hopeless..hopeless 2 da max!But it's worth going yesterday lah...I'm a sad case..shitlah..feel like seeing him..missing dei?no dah!H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S-!! In conclusion: I'm just fucked up!
p.s.some ppl regret huh?never get to see "H"?
p.s.racoon gave me my present 2day..thanx..you still give me something althought you don't know what to get..
p.s.roach called on saturday..talk for almost an hour..still the same ol' roach..bitching..and it seems to us he's still here and nvr leave since he msg us often..it's like he still know what's happening to us and we still do too..it's like things never change..
p.s.*added*phone vibrating,few msgs ...at 12..me birthday..eager.. dissapointed as none is from the person I was hoping for...thanx anyway to those ppl..u all remember...*hugz*..haih..I don't think I will get any from that person anyway...false hope again..really H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S!!
takeMEbytheHAND.
Enigma
天子心
I was born under the smallest astrological sign 24 yrs ago
used to be a psychology student
but now a self-proclaimed full time slacker
on a soul searching journey..
but end up finding my soulmate instead, love being with YOU :)
takeMEsomewhereNEW.
::A dreamer::
::An adventurer::
::A traveller::
::A slacker::
::A party gal,once in a blue moon::
::A game freak::
::Slacker workaholic::
::Anime & manga enthusiast::
::Queen of lateness::
::Night owl::
::Psychometric nerd::
::I'm still finding my way :)::
HANDinHAND.
#1Want ::Get an iphone::
#2Want ::Nintendo Wii::
#3Want ::Go to Japan::
#4Want ::Learn skiing::
#5Want ::Complete my bungy jump attempt::
#6Want ::Get Scuba Diving license::
#7Want ::Invest in an underwater camera::
#8Want ::Get solo skydiving license::
#9Want ::Climb a mountain::
#10Want ::Gain my doctorate::
#1Wish ::Travel/Backpack around the world::
#2Wish ::Pursue my dream & achieve the highest::
#3Wish ::Master as many languages in this world as possible ::
#4Wish ::Study all about the myths of Egypt,Rome and Greek culture::
#5Wish ::Wanna be a millionaire $_$ *quite impossible*::
#6Wish ::To volunteer frontline @ africa or some war-torn country::
