Step into muhh WORLD OF ENIGMA.... `take my HAND* NEVER let go-

World of Enigma: The Revolution...*
...into muhh heart, muhh soul, a brand new miee! :)

::When Illusions meets Realities::The Surreal Realm of Reality::A step into the World of Enigma..~::

takemyHAND*

hold me close
and say three words
like you used to do
just three words
iloveyou-

huh?!lost?; click on your right and navigate your way through!*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Monday, January 31, 2005
2:27 AM

Day 14,15,16,17

Day 14-Thursday
The night before I never sleep..kinda anyway cause have to finish up my personality assignment..been writing and typing the whole night till 9 am in the morning..so I decided to skip personality at 10 to at least get some sleep since I'll be needing my energy tonight.we are holding a gathering tonight to farewell rosh,sleeping over at nad's place.....so I only went for the afternoon and evening classes..got to sleep for about 3 hours..less than that actually..and it wasn't exactly a good sleep..was really tired...and couldn't really concentrate throughout the classes..well then yee came over to my college in the evening..since we are going straight after class for dinner..and that idiot rosh make us waited for one hour...went to club for dinner..ate japanese again...hehe..yummy..help yee finished her cawan mushi since she doesn't like it..and we got our desert too..hehe.the atmosphere were nice...funny...laughing over stupid stuff..but rosh went moody later for some time....*sigh*..spoiled the environment...
Then later shaz join us...for drinking!yeah!..at first we decided to go to rosh's friend's place but it turn out to be not that nice..so we were undecided to go the place next door(seems nicer..the music and all) or finnegans...took a long time deciding..arguing over it..haih..and also have to consider our financial limitations..since that cheapo roach don't want to put more money..so we went to finnegans but then later found the environment not that nice..music slow lah..and expensive too..each of us kinda order our drinks individually........so finally argued over it again..since open bottle is cheaper if everyone pitch in some money...we argued a long time again due to that cheapo again...and finally we went back to rosh's friends place..and back there..we went were undecided again to go to the place next door or rosh's friends place..look like stupid fool standing out there..somemore went in the place and out...embarassing..but we end up in rosh's friends' place in the end..we open bottle...chivas..hahaha..great man!!..somemore rosh want to boast say he drank a lot of chivas last time and never get high before..but look..after3 -4 glass..he started blabbing nonsense already..worse than me..so fast get high.somemore i'm a new drinker..tsk..tsk..now i know why he can't take anythinng besides jack daniels..he always drink jack daniels..boring lah!!He was really drunk as he even wanted to beat up a motorcycle driver that past by for no reason and he did lots of other stuff also…even asking a nice woman who just was polite and kind to us to fuck off..terrible..somemore can say out so loud is she a woman or a man and she heard everything..but everyone enjoyed it of course…I was drunk too..drinking non-stop....had too much…was crying again..was sad..…and according to them,I was very loud…I dance too and no one did that,even caught the attention from a passerby and a lot of ppl was looking…really embarassed…and even vomited…embarassing man…never going to go near that place anymore…I felt sick too..unwell..my head was spinning…*sigh*..couldn’t think that time...fell asleep after that…nad and yee have to drag me back….*sigh*..how many brain cells were killed again today?lol…

My mood:

Day 15-Friday
Slept like a pig…but not really good..awoke in the middle of the night or should I say early morning a few times…found yee sit up beside me…I suspected she’s unwell again but she denied it…worry about it…never really fell back asleep until she laid down again…actually couldn’t sleep much also..woke up at 10 something I think and yee say she was very hungry..have to do find her food…*haih*…after brushing my teeth then I search the house for milo for her…later she played hans’ play station while I took my bath..we were planning to go t.s today….so planning to leave early..and later nad told us her mom coming so we have to leave early also…I had my milo and some biscuits…and then we left..we walked all the way to sungai wang(since it’s walking distance..althought it took quite long also) to eat the mixed rice that yee say is kinda cheap and we were actually planning to walk straight to t.s to save money but it’s hot and we were tired..so end up sitting the monorail…hey..one walk from nad’s place is enough..hot somemore….
*sigh*guess who I saw?ya...saw him there…well it’s already exactly two weeks…I thought I’m already kinda ok…but hey I still feel weird whenever I saw him…sad..hurting..i dunno what feeling also..just a bunch of mixed up feelings…and I always wanted to act cheerful and happy as thought nothing has happen in front of him but I know I always kinda failed cause even I know and can feel that it’s very fake…it’s like I didn’t want to talk to him…I mean I don’t know how to talk to him..and I think he felt the same cause he didn’t really talk to me…he talk to yee much more…it’s like very awkward for both of us and both of us are trying to ignored that and tried to act normal as thought nothing had happened..so we end up not talking much to each other…is that a good thing or a bad thing?well..he told yee that mr.dog of hers told him I cried since mr.dog was there in the morning…well idiot how the hell he knows?and even if that dog knows..he shouldn’t have told it to him..*sigh*…whatever..it’s done anyway..and yee did explain but I dunno he believe or not….I was trying my best to enjoy..and later only to find his bunch of friends came over to me and tell me he’s alone out there and doesn’t seems fine..what’s his problem now?he’s the one that ask for it ok?he’s the one that hurt me ok?so what he wants now?so I went out to him..hoping that I can clear some things up..and settle some things too..some knots in my heart that I can’t untied in these two weeks…so I confronted him…asking him nicely if there’s a problem and all….but he didn’t want to tell me..he keep denying there’s one and saying everything is fine with him..asking me to go back inside..well fuck it!if there’s no problem..why the hell his whole bunch of friends will come to me and ask me to go see him??I told him that..but he keep denying it and keep refusing to say anything no matter how I forced him…at one point he even tried to ignore me by calling out to some passerby that he knows…he kept on denying..and he tried to sounds ok..by laughing and all but I can see that’s definitely not normal…but in the end I have to turn around and go back since he doesn’t want to talk about it..what can I do?I’ve tried..and I feel sad also ok?I feel my heart aching..but I still talk to you nicely…and asking about your problem..but you don’t want to talk bout it…what do you want me to do??I had to leave since my voice nearly crack there too..tears are about to come out..and I don’t want to cry in front of you…I don’t want him to worry and thinking that I haven’t let go..why do I still care for him that much?something is really wrong with me….I didn’t know I was that serious…later yee talked to him…since she’s the only person that I know he will talk to about his problem…doesn’t he knows that maybe both of us will feel better if we talk straight face to face?I mean since this is our problem..we should settle it by ourselves right?but no..he don’t want it…he don’t want to talk bout it with me…what can I do right?I was not in the mood later but tried to be ok….it’s hard…later yee told me what they talk bout…she said the reason he wanted to break up not only because he felt inferior but also other things but he doesn’t know how to explain it..he said he don’t know how to say it….i kinda knew it too..i mean if the only reason is because he felt inferior he could have told me right?we could have worked something out right?I really don’t know why..the real reason…but yee said he told her he still have feelings towards me even until now…I really don’t understand…I really don’t..why did he let me go then?but at least I know..or should I say I’m glad to know that he made that decision not because he have no feelings towards me already..but of something else…at least I know he was serious when we were together…it’s a good thing to know that…he even told yee another girl like him now but he doesn’t like her and doesn’t know what to do….well..the truth is I’m kinda happy to hear that he doesn’t like that girl… shit man!I know that’s bad to think that way…meaning I’m still giving myself false hope..I mean it’s over right?I should have just move on…since he’s moving on too??or not?I don’t know…but I know I need to move on..but I’m not doing that..I know I have to let go..and yet I’m not doing that..it’s always easier said than done..I know that Things that are meant to be yours will find its way back to you in the end no matter how but if they are not meant to be yours, they will fly away no matter how hard you hold on to it. It will come back to me no matter how if it truly belongs to me..if not I should just let it go…for now I should just let it rest and let nature take its own course and see if it does really belong to me….*sigh*…time is all I have and is all that I need…is that so?

My mood:

Day 16-Saturday
Was really tired the night before so I fell asleep early and I had to go to college early today because I had some event going on.. and it starts at 8??!!…I had only a few hours of sleep..muscle aching..bone creaking..a bit itchy..I think the drink on thursday had finally taken some effect on me..felt hot too…and both my elbows hurt a lot..I think I hurt it while I was dancing..hit the wall while dancing..and graze the wall too..I think it’s blue black and I had scratches over my elbow too..my leg too..was bruised…I think I hit the table and sofa while I was drunk on Thursday too..my whole body was aching and it hurts…and I still felt like vomiting when I think about Thursday..I think I need a break from alcohol..had too much already..and only one week break between the last drinking session..went to u know where again after that…he was there but then we didn’t talk much again..as usual talk more to yee than me..and other ppl too….got quite a few times where he stand very close…I felt really uneasy..dei no dah!I said before dah I need some distance dei!but don’t know why I feel a bit happy when he did that..dei no dah again!giving myself false hope dah!he look good too with his hair gel and that same woolly shirt(I like the material)he wore on 31st with jeans….dei no dah!why am I even telling this...??*sigh*…..

My mood:

Day 17-Sunday
Lose sleep again…kinda anyway..didn’t really slept that well the whole night…worrying..about what?about it!idiot..for no reason want to worry?I’m hopeless man..what’s wrong with me?I should be letting go not worrying…spent the whole day thinking why the hell am I still worried about it…and think bout it again…including the things that happened on Friday.. and Saturday..it’s depressed me…I think I have become more stupid…why do I want to spent the whole day thinking about it and get depressed again?is it that because too many of my brain cells were killed that’s y I become that stupid?is that so?couldn’t help it...so spent the whole day depressing…I didn’t cried though…only a bit..ok fine..i admit..it’s more than a bit..but not too much…it’s not that bad hey…I watched some tv to keep my mind off since I didn’t feel like doing any work again..I;m really piling up my work man..I have lots to do and lots coming yet I don’t feel like doing it…at least the tv helped..although only momentarily…read some comics…realized I really have to update on my comics already..it’s been so long since I re-stock..but then I think of my financial situation..then quickly gave up the idea..but still wanted to re-stock my comics somehow..will find a way to..I just feel like being left alone the whole day…dunno y….still looking at my phone every hour here and there..*sigh*..yes..I’m still doing that..hoping “someone” will called or msg…but I know it’s useless…but still couldn’t stop myself from doing that…was really sleepy the whole day too..and feel really hot too..probably it’s still the alcohol..the itchiness subside though..it’s not as bad as last time..muscle still aching..elbow still hurt..leg still hurt..heart still hurt…everything still hurt…life is just great isn’t it?*roll her eyes*

My mood:

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

takeMEbytheHAND.
Enigma
天子心
I was born under the smallest astrological sign 24 yrs ago
used to be a psychology student
but now a self-proclaimed full time slacker
on a soul searching journey..
but end up finding my soulmate instead, love being with YOU :)

takeMEsomewhereNEW.
::A dreamer::
::An adventurer::
::A traveller::
::A slacker::
::A party gal,once in a blue moon::
::A game freak::
::Slacker workaholic::
::Anime & manga enthusiast::
::Queen of lateness::
::Night owl::
::Psychometric nerd::
::I'm still finding my way :)::

HANDinHAND.
#1Want ::Get an iphone::
#2Want ::Nintendo Wii::
#3Want ::Go to Japan::
#4Want ::Learn skiing::
#5Want ::Complete my bungy jump attempt::
#6Want ::Get Scuba Diving license::
#7Want ::Invest in an underwater camera::
#8Want ::Get solo skydiving license::
#9Want ::Climb a mountain::
#10Want ::Gain my doctorate::

#1Wish ::Travel/Backpack around the world::
#2Wish ::Pursue my dream & achieve the highest::
#3Wish ::Master as many languages in this world as possible ::
#4Wish ::Study all about the myths of Egypt,Rome and Greek culture::
#5Wish ::Wanna be a millionaire $_$ *quite impossible*::
#6Wish ::To volunteer frontline @ africa or some war-torn country::

WEwillWALKtheDISTANCE.
that'sME forYOU-

HUGSandKISSES
theLOVEweSHARED

person currently trapped in their own illusions...